it is a damn good thing, dare i say even a fucking good thing, that i am more or less all by my lonesome self here.  back in the day there would be however-many people watching me make a fool out of myself -- oh wait. that's exactly what they were doing, if i remember correctly. but they were always so nice about it, & this is what led me to this unfortunate habit of babbling in public. which is actually a little bit embarrassing. i mean what if someone should someone happen upon this place i leave links to here & there around the interweb, and see me talking to myself for no apparent reason and being thoroughly pathetic in the process?

 

it's kind of like a whiny diary i leave laying around the house, hoping no one reads but disappointed that no one does. also i am a little ashamed i'm using this windows live thing when i have the capability, the urls, the hosting space, and the archives (some assembly required) -- i have real blogs, i really do -- i'm only a few dozen hours or days of struggling to remember what i was thinking when i built the things in the first place, to rebuild them, make them better than new.

 

if only i felt it was worth it. why the hell do i do this?  

i have. i really have.

 

(again).  & as usual, it is a tremendous relief.  or a terrible loss.  

 

perhaps a terrible relief? yes. that's exactly what it is.